Today

Today is the end of a phase. Today is the end of a lot of good things for me.

No more forgetting Rolayne's name and calling her "Rowena" instead.
No more laughing at Debbie Willis who sings her own name when she calls.
No more saying funny things because we know Danielle's eavesdropping, waiting to get a laugh from her.
No more waiting for Catrina to sneeze three times in a row so I can yell across the office: "Bless you so the leprachauns don't come take you away to be their wife!"
No more tapping on the glass to scare the man agers in their offices.
No more forwarding my phone to Josh because I don't want to take any more calls.
No more harrassing Josh about taking transfer calls.
No more "Hey! Come here!" to Cammie just so we can talk about each others' lives.

I love BYU-Idaho. I love the mission of the school. I love my job and I love that I've gotten really good at it. I can answer most any phone call with competency. I'm good at it and I like it here. But, today's my last day, and I have to be okay with it.

As I speculated about all the circumstances that would allow me to stay, I had a lot of different scenarios drawn up. Each and every one of those scenarios has happened. We will soon have two openings in our office, including the position I'm currently in. My boss has gone to bat for me several times, trying to get them to let me stay. The final decision comes down to this: the Church has issued a hiring freeze, and we're not even allowed to replace people who leave. This only means that the final rejection has come from the First Presidency. How can I argue that? I can't. I can't speculate "what if I'd done this better" or "they just don't understand the need or the circumstance." The Lord understands and He's directing this. It's gotta work this way.

I knew today would be hard. Cammie's out because her son had surgery yesterday. I'm on my own to juggle the madness and I'm not going to be able to catch up. I'm leaving her with a mess. I knew it would be rough and I wanted to give myself a few happinesses. I'm wearing my favorite skirt. I'm not wearing my favorite shirt. Those two really don't match. I'm planning a drive to Jackson tomorrow. I've got a good song playing in my head:

The more I think, the less I see
when I'm able to walk
I'm queen of my world
I let it rain on my skin
I don't let myself down
I don't let myself down
just wanna be one with you
wanna be one with you