This weekend I had another marvelous opportunity to listen to Prophets of the Lord. My heart is full of gratitude for modern day revelation and the access we have to guidance from the Lord's chosen servants. Conference is amazing! I just ate it up. There are many things happening in my life right now. There have been many ups and downs recently and I've been pushed to study and ponder a lot of life-altering situations.
Here are some things I've learned lately--over the last few weeks, and then confirmed this weekend in
General Conference.
I've recently been butt-hurt by some treatment from (whom I'd thought to be) close friends. These are good people. I don't feel that they have malicious intentions. I think, so often, we all get caught up in our own perspectives and we don't realize how our actions hurt others. I've been frustrated by multiple versions of the same situation from the same people/person. I'm realizing more and more how, even though people are good, their association can sometimes be a poison. We come to expect more from those closest to us. And often, some individuals just don't have the thought to follow through. While I've enjoyed these friendships, things need to change. I've been abused too many times without thought or concern. I realized several days ago, that these harbored feeling of hurt have been poisoning me. I have been trying to figure out how to express my pain, how to convey my perspective; but all I can think is all of the excuses and justification I'd hear from the other party. What good does that do anyone if we only have our own eyes to see with? I can't change anyone's perspective or the ways they interact and connect (or don't) with others. But I can change my expectations. I'm learning more about loyalty and who's really there and who's just along for the party. I'm tired of looking for more from "party" friends and always getting disappointed. These past several days, I've been praying for peace. There's no "dispute" to reconcile. I don't think anyone else is harboring ill feelings. They're only hurting myself. I have found peace in changing my expectations. Some friends you need to keep close, and others are much better at arm's length. I don't need to cut these people out of my life altogether. It will still take time for me to heal enough to interact again, but it will happen and we can still be friends--just not close ones. And that's okay.
Quotes from Conference:
from Elder Holland's talk-- coveting, pouting or tearing others down does not elevate your standing ...don't dwell on grievances
from President Uchtdorf's talk-- We are quick to judge others and assign dark motives to others to justify our feelings of resentment ... when it comes to our own grievances, we too often justify our own anger ... Stop it. It's that simple. ... replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children ... Do you exclude, push away or punish others because of something they have done? Stop it. ... There is enough heartache and sorrow in this world without adding to it with our own resentment ... Lay your burden at the Savior's feet.
Another concept that's been on my mind lately is the importance of deliberate, positive interaction. Last weekend, I spent some wonderful time with family. My cousin Sydney and I went to the Holi Festival of Colors, and then out to dinner. I noticed over and over again how she interacted with perfect strangers. I don't consider myself shy, and I've always thought of myself as a fairly friendly person, but I realized that I'm not deliberate about it. I'm not outwardly friendly towards strangers until I'm approached first. Here are some things Sydney did during our time together: she got the attention of the mother and two daughters on the bus in front of us to tell them they had beautiful hair and ask them what hair products they used. She told the people standing on the moving bus that if things got bumpy, they could hold on to my ponytail for stability. At the Color Festival, she called down from the balcony to a woman in a wedding dress, "I like your dress!" She photo-bombed several groups. She walked up to a woman not yet covered in chalk and explained, "I'm going to dump some of this on your head now." When I whispered to her that I liked some lady's hair, Syd called out, "Hey, lady with the pretty hair!" Okay, she may have seemed a little drunk with that one. :) And then at the restaurant, she saw another table of people who'd come from the Color Festival and stopped to compliment them on their chalk colors. Sydney hasn't always been like that. I asked her about it and she said her boyfriend has been a good influence on reaching out and interacting with others. I made it a point this week to make eye contact and smile at people in stores, make small talk with the check-out people--it's interesting to me how quickly that has turned my day around and has become a positive force. I need to be a happier person and to share that with those around me!!
I have also had a couple good conversations lately with some of those real friends who prove their loyalty by loving and showing that love through actions. That is SO important! Kylee has stepped up in my life and has been absolutely amazing lately. She's always been one of my favorite people, and we have a lot of fun together, but recently we've shared and trusted and communicated on a much deeper level and I'm realizing that she's a much better friend than I ever gave her credit for. She has stepped in on multiple occasions right when I've needed her and has been such an amazing answer to prayers. I'm so grateful to see that something I've been needing so much in my life really has been there all along.
My cousin Kim and I talked about validation and how sometimes we can be trying so hard and trying to be strong and independent and trying to help and love and serve, but it makes all the difference to have someone recognize and admire our efforts, to express their love and gratitude for us. Why is it so hard to communicate these things to important people in our lives? Why do we get so caught up in our own lives and what we need that we fail to see how much of an impact a little validation can have in the lives of others? All some of us need is a little encouragement. Maybe there really is nothing we can do to help. Maybe we really are too busy with our own stuff. That's fine. We all have to fight our own battles and its nobody's job to fight them for us. But there is such enabling power that comes from the words, "I love you. You're doing great. I know this is hard, but it will be worth it. Keep up the good work. I love you." Yes. "I love you" is in there twice. It's important. But only if you really mean it and your actions and attitudes support that sentiment. If they don't, those words are dead.
Kimball reminded me of the importance of the priesthood power. It heals and guides us. We are all in each others' lives for a reason and some people will always be there. We should realize that and tap into those resources. We all have trials and hardships. But that means that we all have to learn and grow. It's not an isolated experience. As we learn, we can teach and strengthen those around us. The Lord is good. He is aware of us. He knows our strengths and weaknesses and the deepest desires of our hearts. All that He asks is that we keep His commandments. As we do, we come closer to Him. We develop stronger desires for righteousness. We are more willing to reach out to those around us. Our hearts are changed. We experience joy in this life and His succoring through our trials. And if we endure it well, we will be exalted.
