How to report a tragedy ...

Police Identify Shooter, Women Killed In Ammon - Local News Story - KIFI Idaho Falls *

Seriously, I've tried 27 times to figure out what to say and how to share what's been going on in our neighborhood the past few days. I feel like I have no right to say anything at all. All I know is what I've read and seen on the news. How sad is it that this happened on my own street, inside my bubble, and yet, I've got no more of a personal connection to it than any of you?

They lived across the street and three houses down. I'm super anxious and conflicted about the whole situation, and yet, I have no right to have any feelings at all about this. I didn't know them. I honestly, didn't even notice there was a house there. What right have I to be upset? What right have I to have had a frenzy-filled temper tantrum kind of day on Friday because I didn't know how to cope with this? What right have I to even need a way to cope?

Other than the opinion that this isn't supposed to happen in my world. This is the reason I stopped watching CSI. I don't want to hear about stuff like this. It just shouldn't happen! This isn't entertainment. This is tragedy in its truest form. But I can't change the TV channel on this one. It went down in my own front yard. I'm not requesting to be sheltered. I just hate that stuff like this happens--anywhere. I'm in a freaking frenzy because I don't understand what to make of this happening.

UN-REAL, Ammon, Idaho.

*I keep trying, but I just can't link the Post Register stories in my blog post. Apparently the online version is for subscribers only and there's NO way around that, even for the girl who does their layouts. So, you get the sub-par, Local News 8's version. But, if you haven't yet, I'd suggest you look at the PR coverage in today's paper

Snow boots in the Springtime

Today's branch temple day. It's a stark contrast to last week's temple day. Last week came in the form of regret and anxiety and a bit of self-loathing.
This week's comes with optimism, hope, impatience, disorientation, stale gum and hot feet. (who decided to wear leather boots on a warm spring day?)
I still don't have a car. Today's Wednesday work loud went rather smoothly. That means I'm here at work, having finished my day's tasks, biding time until Kari picks me up to bring me to the temple. I asked her on Sunday for a ride, not remembering that Bethany actually works downstairs. She's temple-ing today, too and could easily bring me there with her. Oh well. It'll be a fun excuse for a brief one-on-one with Kari.
One-on-one is my favorite way to be. Big groups of fun friends are great and all, but I love the INDIVIDUAL-ness. I'm already going to miss the parking lot carpool/ one-on-one time. That's what we all are. No one of us is a group. Flashing through my mind now are references to "ministering to the one" along with "my name is Legion; for we are many."
I'm trying my darnedest not to be desperate, but I fail. The definition of desperate is checking my email every 2 minutes. It's been three days--no response. Hold on. Lemme check again. Nope. Still nothing. Dang you, iPhone for making this desperation too convenient. How is it that I've built two separate relationships with the same person: One via email and phone; the other, face-to-face? I'm still waiting for that email to clarify what could have been discussed in person. Twice.
I'm grateful for priesthood blessings and dads who give them. I'm grateful for scriptures that read differently when you're needing that kind of direction. I'm grateful for headphones and BYU devotionals while I enter advertising tickets at work. I'm grateful for guidance and direction.
I'm craving application.
I'm also thinking fondly of these guys.

The anti-birth control. After screaming-ball-throwing-kid-at-volleyball, I've needed a perspective adjustment. I guess all kids aren't horrible. Maybe I could get me some, after all. But if they act anything like me, I'm leaving them with Grandma.

Icing on the cake

I feel like I've gone overboard in this blogging world, lately. But, it seems that there's so much going on, and at the same time, so little. We all know I'd come up with PLENTY to say, but it's not usually stuff y'all would want to read about. And a whole lot of it is stuff I'd rather not post. So, I haven't. But I'm gonna.
Truthfully, I've gone overboard in a LOT of areas lately. This week has just piled icing and sprinkles onto the cake. Why in the world would anyone ever use cake and "icing on the cake" as an example for loads of stuff gone wrong? Maybe the phrase wasn't intended to be used in the negative spectrum.
The "cake" is something HUGE in my world that continues to rise up and torture me time and time again. I'm not gonna tell you about it. But the icing? Well, the icing AND the sprinkles have threatened to take me down this week. Let's just say that the "cake" already had a really good start and only needed a little help.

• I'm OVERWHELMED at work. Things are just crazy. I feel bombarded on all sides, every department needing something from me and it all happens at the same time. I'm really good at multitasking, which is a MUST, and I'm even okay with redundancy (because, no matter how hard I work one day to get everything done, I will almost ALWAYS end up re-doing something the next day.) But I'm fine with all of that. In fact, I'm really good at it! Now, one department wants to add a process that dumps a LOAD of extra work in my lap (they seem to think it's a super easy process. It's not.) I'm trying to tell them the best way to make it all happen--since it's all on my plate, and they seem to think I'm asking too much. Really? I'm even okay taking that on, because I'm the hub that brings so many of our newspaper processes together. What I'm NOT okay with?--My intense level of responsibility is NOT reflected in my pay. So many people depend on me. I can't take a day off. I can't even take a potty break on some days. I'm drowning and I'm getting paid in peanuts! So, I finally spoke up this week. Know what I got? A freaking iPhone. I feel like a sell-out. I don't even know how to use the stupid thing. I can't take that to the bank. And, I actually just got a new phone about a month ago. It was simple. I liked it. On this iPhone, I can't even get my Mufasa ringtone as my text message tone. It's deleted my contacts list twice now. My picture of Baby Rigdon is gone. I'm not impressed. And again--can't take that to the bank!
• There's kind of a BIG reason I need something to take to the bank right now. My Captain is on his death bed. Last week, we put in a significant chunk of change on new tires and a new steering ... something. Then, I drove him to Utah and back. Apparently he didn't like that. We're now looking at a new engine. The plan was to put him on a trailer and drag him down to Uncle Bob's shop in Provo. (Yes, we were JUST there.) Dad's Durango was going to drag him back. The Durango fell sick on Friday. This was the same day dad lost his wallet with cash and gift cards that can't be replaced. We're down to 2 cars in a 3-person family and we all get to play musical cars all week. I may be hitch hiking.
• While in Utah, I found out a dear friend of mine has been STRUGGLING and I can't do anything about it.
• I played like CRAP at volleyball Monday night. The team we should have beat CREAMED us. 
• The phone case I bought for my iPhone was actually made for an iPod. It doesn't fit. 
• My boss wants me to give her my old phone. But it's still got all my contacts. And it's my alarm clock. My iPhone doesn't have one--at least that I can find. I need to keep this. It's MINE!
• I've been breaking out like CRAZY. Zits everywhere. Thank you, skin, for putting my insecurities out there for the world to see. I'm pretty sure paper bags are against my work dress code.
• Shin splints.
• The strap on my new grown-up purse broke. I was just starting to like that thing.
• I may have had a bit of a breakdown on Wednesday. (What constitutes a full-fledged breakdown?)
• I had an AMAZING friend on the other end of the phone who was so willing to talk to me. But I wouldn't/couldn't. I'm a pro at beating around the bush. We talked about "flour" and "eggs" and "sugar", but I just couldn't bring myself to bring out the whole "cake". I really need a good purge, but I shut down. I want to talk about cake. But, so many people don't like cake. If only I had donuts instead.

This guy has great insight:

Everyone is tested. One might think it is unfair to be singled out and subjected to a particular temptation, but this is the purpose of mortal life—to be tested. And the answer is the same for everyone: we must, and we can, resist temptations of any kind.