Why are little things so hard to do? I think, for me, it's because I see them as "little things." That makes them unimportant. But it's the whole bunches of little things that make all the difference! There is so much that I need to work on ... that I WANT to work on. I want to see big improvements! But I forget that these simple, little things are what make all the difference. I don't need to be overwhelmed by huge, life-altering steps. I need to realize that I have full control over my life. And these small and simple things are going to make all the difference!
I remember today that I really dislike collared, button-up shirts. I know I dressed myself, so I take full responsibility. I even bought this shirt--paid for it with my own hard-earned money. Just know that it's going into the "get rid of" pile as soon as I get home. It's too formal. It doesn't have enough "Brooker" personality. It doesn't stay in position and there are awkward gaps in the buttons. I know that sounds like a fat joke, but it's more than that! I just don't like this style of shirt.
I've officially forsaken socks for the season. It wasn't a conscious decision. It just happens every year! My feet get cold, but there's no reason for socks if I can walk on dry ground. Besides, most of my socks have snowmen and snowflakes on them. I really don't want to curse away spring by wearing them. I can't find my "summer socks." Yes, I have them. I have too many of everything. My 450 pairs of flip flops are calling me, but I still think it's too early for that. I DO live in Idaho.
Taxes kick my trash. I've never liked them. I don't even fully grasp the concept. It's all so complicated! But this year was the worst. This year, for the first time EVER, I've had to PAY! How did I get somewhat significant (for me) refunds through college, but now I've come to this? I certainly am not making much more!
Volleyball's off to a much better start. After our first game, I was TERRIFIED. We got creamed! And I realized I was in way over my head. I thought I had no business playing in this league. See, I'm not great at the sport. I LOVE it, but my skills are definitely lacking. My team, however is AWESOME! And they're good sports and let me play with them. They even encourage me and are excited with me when I play well. The first game was against a really really good team. I was afraid that it was going to set the standard for a super rough season. But then? The next week we WON! (I'm not going to give credit to the fact that the other team only had 4 players. That couldn't have been it. We played really well!) And then last night ... we didn't exactly win. But, our loss was by fewer than 5 points both games! I feel good about it. I feel really good about it! I don't feel great about this shoulder problem I seem to be having, but I'm excited for a better-than-expected season of volleyball.
I'm having a lot of fun with this 30 Day Song Challenge I'm doing on facebook. It asks you to post a different song every day (from YouTube). It's fun to think of a song from my personal library that fits the criteria. I'm going to miss it when it's over. I might just have to start over, because I have several more to share!
Thus ends the lamest blog post ever. Have I mentioned that I'm exhausted? I think cleverness requires more than I can muster right now.
I'll get back to you when I've found my wit.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Medicine for the Body and Soul--Tornadoes and Truth.
I've been "sick" for about five weeks now. I don't get sick! but I got a cold back in February and it never seems to go away completely. We may have linked it to the construction that's going on in the basement. Every time dad pulls out the pink foam insulation, my symptoms flare up all over again. As of now, we're done insulating. My voice is back and I can almost count on being able to breathe through my nose at all times. It feels good!
Know what else feels good? Wearing myself OUT. I'm finally well enough to do stuff again! So of course, I do my best to over-do it. :) Friday morning I went to Zumba for an hour. I then plugged away at work until 7pm, ran home to change and then straight to volleyball for 2.5 hours. Saturday morning, I slept through Zumba, enjoyed the morning session of conference (which I will get to) and then hit the road on my bike. I should have thought this through a bit better. It was breezy outside, but I'd been CRAVING a good bike ride, and it really wasn't that bad. What was supposed to be just a casual ride around the outskirts of town got me all the way to the Ririe Cemetery. That tail wind was very encouraging! The problem with tail winds is that, once you've turned around, they become head-winds. I made it about a quarter of a mile before my bike STOPPED. I was still peddling, but there was dust in my eyes and the wind wasn't allowing me to move anywhere! Biking in the wind is a HORRIBLE idea. I was stuck. I swear it wasn't that windy when I left home. I hid behind a headstone, pondering what to do. I had the afternoon session of conference playing on my headphones and thought maybe I'd just wait out the wind storm (aka tornado). I texted my friend Holly, who lives in Ririe, just to see if she was headed back into Idaho Falls that day and if I could hitch a ride. Her husband and sons are avid bike-riders, so she could totally relate to my ... uh ... predicament. (stupidity?) But, Holly was still in I.F. from Zumba that morning. Dang. I did NOT want to have her make extra trips because I'm an idiot on a bike. I texted my home teacher, but he was sleeping. When Holly heard what was going on, she insisted that she could be there in 20 minutes to give me a ride home. I'm glad she was forceful about it. I felt horrible, but honestly, I didn't have anyone else to call. My dad's always on call to help pull me out (I get myself into these situations too often) but he was in Utah. Holly saved me. It's awesome to have such good people looking out for me.
When I got home, I was craving Zumba--even though I was exhausted--and did a few songs on my own, just to see how tired I could make myself. And then, I did something totally out of character. I CLEANED. I did laundry, scrubbed my bathroom floor and cleaned my bedroom. For those of you who've lived with me, you know this is kind of a big deal. I'm not a huge slob, but I RARELY break down and scrub stuff! I'll be honest: I hated it. But, I like that things are clean. I'm also glad it's over with. I opted to skip the vacuum this time. Last time, it coughed up dirt onto my floor, and the time before that, it just smelled like burning. My floor can stay dirty. I have a horrible track record.This girl was pretty tired, and I'd definitely earned my shower by the end of the day! (especially since I'd skipped it Friday night ... Ssshh.) It feels great to REALLY earn it. :)
Now, for even BETTER medicine: I've felt so emotionally and spiritually drained these last few weeks. I've kind of shut down. I'm overwhelmed at the prospect of trying to fix anything in my life, that I just haven't bothered thinking about it. Awesome technique, I know. Since I've remained frustrated, we can tell that it hasn't really worked. My commitment to good things has suffered and my relationship with my Heavenly Father has dwindled. I know better and I know that ultimately, My Savior is the only true source for healing. I know that. But so often, I feel like I'm just so screwed up, that I don't have the energy or commitment to do anything about it. Like I'm going to just miraculously be bestowed that strength before I make any effort of my own? Yeah, right. But still. I've been a punk and I'm drowning in it.
But, guess what happened this weekend? General Conference. :) I've been so overwhelmed with life and with my own insecurities, that I couldn't quite pinpoint what answers I wanted to receive from the conference addresses. I know the #1 thing I'm missing in my life is ACTION. I technically know what's right. My faith is still fully intact. I just haven't quite known what to DO about it, how to apply the Atonement in my life and how to move forward and beyond these weaknesses that drag me down. I prayed that I would know of specific actions to take to get myself out of this slump. I've struggled with motivation because I've lacked direction. Things like "service" have been such vague concepts for me. What should I do? For whom? I try, but I end up bringing store-bought cookies to the same people over and over again. Where's the purpose and growth there? I need greater direction in so many aspects. I'm tired of chasing my tail and not getting anywhere.
Today and yesterday, I think I found the motivation I've needed to press forward. Nothing's going to get any better without my effort. I want to find happiness and purpose in my life. I want to be a tool in the Lord's hands. I want to see beyond my current situation and look forward with a "perfect brightness of hope." I want to be worthy of the blessings the Lord has in store for me. I have a renewed quest to get there. I even have a few things in mind--directions the Lord has inspired me to take. The Lord expects more out of me than what I've been giving. I'm going to try my darnedest to do better in these SPECIFIC areas and I know the Lord will share His love with me and open up more doors down the road. I've got to start somewhere and it's about dang time I get going. Wish me luck. :)
If you missed conference this year, I suggest you go HERE and catch up. The Lord speaks to us today. He guides and directs us in these latter days through His servants, the prophets. They are the Lord's mouthpiece and we can come to know our Father in Heaven and achieve His purposes and plans for us, only by heeding to His counsel through the mouths of His anointed servants. I'm so grateful that I have access to such truths that bring meaning, purpose and direction into my life.
Know what else feels good? Wearing myself OUT. I'm finally well enough to do stuff again! So of course, I do my best to over-do it. :) Friday morning I went to Zumba for an hour. I then plugged away at work until 7pm, ran home to change and then straight to volleyball for 2.5 hours. Saturday morning, I slept through Zumba, enjoyed the morning session of conference (which I will get to) and then hit the road on my bike. I should have thought this through a bit better. It was breezy outside, but I'd been CRAVING a good bike ride, and it really wasn't that bad. What was supposed to be just a casual ride around the outskirts of town got me all the way to the Ririe Cemetery. That tail wind was very encouraging! The problem with tail winds is that, once you've turned around, they become head-winds. I made it about a quarter of a mile before my bike STOPPED. I was still peddling, but there was dust in my eyes and the wind wasn't allowing me to move anywhere! Biking in the wind is a HORRIBLE idea. I was stuck. I swear it wasn't that windy when I left home. I hid behind a headstone, pondering what to do. I had the afternoon session of conference playing on my headphones and thought maybe I'd just wait out the wind storm (aka tornado). I texted my friend Holly, who lives in Ririe, just to see if she was headed back into Idaho Falls that day and if I could hitch a ride. Her husband and sons are avid bike-riders, so she could totally relate to my ... uh ... predicament. (stupidity?) But, Holly was still in I.F. from Zumba that morning. Dang. I did NOT want to have her make extra trips because I'm an idiot on a bike. I texted my home teacher, but he was sleeping. When Holly heard what was going on, she insisted that she could be there in 20 minutes to give me a ride home. I'm glad she was forceful about it. I felt horrible, but honestly, I didn't have anyone else to call. My dad's always on call to help pull me out (I get myself into these situations too often) but he was in Utah. Holly saved me. It's awesome to have such good people looking out for me.
When I got home, I was craving Zumba--even though I was exhausted--and did a few songs on my own, just to see how tired I could make myself. And then, I did something totally out of character. I CLEANED. I did laundry, scrubbed my bathroom floor and cleaned my bedroom. For those of you who've lived with me, you know this is kind of a big deal. I'm not a huge slob, but I RARELY break down and scrub stuff! I'll be honest: I hated it. But, I like that things are clean. I'm also glad it's over with. I opted to skip the vacuum this time. Last time, it coughed up dirt onto my floor, and the time before that, it just smelled like burning. My floor can stay dirty. I have a horrible track record.This girl was pretty tired, and I'd definitely earned my shower by the end of the day! (especially since I'd skipped it Friday night ... Ssshh.) It feels great to REALLY earn it. :)
Now, for even BETTER medicine: I've felt so emotionally and spiritually drained these last few weeks. I've kind of shut down. I'm overwhelmed at the prospect of trying to fix anything in my life, that I just haven't bothered thinking about it. Awesome technique, I know. Since I've remained frustrated, we can tell that it hasn't really worked. My commitment to good things has suffered and my relationship with my Heavenly Father has dwindled. I know better and I know that ultimately, My Savior is the only true source for healing. I know that. But so often, I feel like I'm just so screwed up, that I don't have the energy or commitment to do anything about it. Like I'm going to just miraculously be bestowed that strength before I make any effort of my own? Yeah, right. But still. I've been a punk and I'm drowning in it.
But, guess what happened this weekend? General Conference. :) I've been so overwhelmed with life and with my own insecurities, that I couldn't quite pinpoint what answers I wanted to receive from the conference addresses. I know the #1 thing I'm missing in my life is ACTION. I technically know what's right. My faith is still fully intact. I just haven't quite known what to DO about it, how to apply the Atonement in my life and how to move forward and beyond these weaknesses that drag me down. I prayed that I would know of specific actions to take to get myself out of this slump. I've struggled with motivation because I've lacked direction. Things like "service" have been such vague concepts for me. What should I do? For whom? I try, but I end up bringing store-bought cookies to the same people over and over again. Where's the purpose and growth there? I need greater direction in so many aspects. I'm tired of chasing my tail and not getting anywhere.
Today and yesterday, I think I found the motivation I've needed to press forward. Nothing's going to get any better without my effort. I want to find happiness and purpose in my life. I want to be a tool in the Lord's hands. I want to see beyond my current situation and look forward with a "perfect brightness of hope." I want to be worthy of the blessings the Lord has in store for me. I have a renewed quest to get there. I even have a few things in mind--directions the Lord has inspired me to take. The Lord expects more out of me than what I've been giving. I'm going to try my darnedest to do better in these SPECIFIC areas and I know the Lord will share His love with me and open up more doors down the road. I've got to start somewhere and it's about dang time I get going. Wish me luck. :)
If you missed conference this year, I suggest you go HERE and catch up. The Lord speaks to us today. He guides and directs us in these latter days through His servants, the prophets. They are the Lord's mouthpiece and we can come to know our Father in Heaven and achieve His purposes and plans for us, only by heeding to His counsel through the mouths of His anointed servants. I'm so grateful that I have access to such truths that bring meaning, purpose and direction into my life.
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