It's about LOVE. This may be influenced by Valentine's Day.

Today in church we talked a lot about good examples and showing our love for each other. We even talked a bit about the ways we give and receive love and how sometimes it's hard to do because we all have different perspectives and ways we express ourselves. This has been on my mind a LOT lately. It's brought a lot of frustrations and has caused me to reflect on my own behavior and communication.
I've also reflected a lot on the issue of respect. Not in a "respect your elders" sort of way, but just a general respect for people around us. I have a coworker who is really bothering me because of her lack of respect for others. She's never attacked me personally, but just being within earshot of her tirades makes me very uncomfortable.
I'm not the best at this myself. I need to work on it. Awareness is the first step, right? Well, I need to make a stronger attempt at being aware of my own interactions.
This weekend, I got to spend some time with an old friend. Lisa has always been such an example of sincerity and respect for others. I noticed it three years ago when we used to spend time together nearly every day. I think I got too used to it. I started taking it for granted. I think maybe I expected all friends to be this way. But then--maybe we all should? I want to work on it. Being away from her for so long, and then getting to spend time together with her twice in the last two weeks has opened my eyes again to her amazing social skills and the effortless way she makes others feel appreciated.
I was writing in my journal tonight, listing qualities that I appreciated in Lisa and want to work on better emulating myself. I wrote them all down in my journal and then decided to also post them here--in case anyone else would like tips on how to be a better friend. Oh, and I kinda wanted to do a tribute to my dear Lis!
Lisa knows me better than most people. Like I said, we spent a LOT of time together and shared a lot of insights into the inner workings of each others' lives. What's cool is that she remembers those things. In all of our interactions, even though it's been a year and a half since we've spent much time together, we pick up right where we left off. It's like she KNOWS me.
Lisa's so attentive to details. She notices non-verbal cues and reacts to them. It's almost like she can read minds. She picks up on cues and signals and wants to know the reason behind them. She can always tell if someone has something to input into a conversation and she'll stop what she's saying to ask what that person thinks. She also can always tell when you're having a bad day and goes out of her way to find out why. She calls me out if my "body language" doesn't match my words. She wants to know what I REALLY think, not just what I want to present. She pays attention. None of these things is necessarily communicated outwardly. She just notices.
She's sincere. She genuinely listens and cares about details in everyone's lives. She asks questions to fill any gaps and to understand better. She pays attention to what you have to say and doesn't get distracted from stories or conversations.
She's very respectful. She truly sees each person as an individual with needs. She's always trying to figure out what drives people and how to best interact with each person.
She never interrupts or competes for conversation. So often, we'll start talking at the same time, and she'll always defer to the other person first. Too often, I interject as she's talking and she'll immediately stop her end and listen to what I have to say. RUDE on my part, but totally respectful on hers.
She always gives feedback to the other person's point of view and shows genuine interest. When their opinion conflicts with her own, she keeps hers to herself so as not to trample their feelings.
She she doesn't understand something, she asks questions, repeats back what you said and truly seeks for clarification.
She's not a "smile and nod" listener. She sincerely listens!
She's quick to compliment and pays attention to people's good qualities. She notices the little things and makes you feel good about them.

She'll take the bullet and go out of her way so you don't feel stupid for something. She'll never draw your own mistakes to your attention. She'll silently fix them on her own and let you remain happy in ignorance. Once, I had a big zit on the side of my nose. I didn't know it was there. But she traded places with me for a picture so it wouldn't show. When i asked her why we were trading places, she told me it was because SHE had a zit. Wow.
When I'm upset about something little and stupid, she doesn't try to blow it off. She knows when some little things need drama and are worth getting upset over.
She validates me in my ups and downs--gets upset when I'm upset and happy when I'm happy. She never makes me feel like I'm not justified or ridiculous for feeling the way I do. She understands.
Lisa makes me feel loved and makes me want to be better at showing love to others.

Skyler's cheese

Some things that happened a long time ago are still worth mentioning, months later.
You know--important things...
Like that time back in July when Skyler brought his own cheese to the BBQ
And I saw it sitting there unattended. What do you do with a whole brick of cheese?
You dare Kylee to take a bite out of it.
This is not the sort of dare either of us could back out of.
I wonder why Skyler went straight to me, first. When I told him, "Those are NOT my teeth!" He immediately turned to Kylee to match the dental molds.
Man, we're funny.

But how did he KNOW it was us?

Out of character... and then quickly back in.

So, I am who I am. That really means nothing, does it? Why do people say that? Is that some sort of self-condoning twist, like unto Lady Gaga's "Born This Way"? (I HATE that song, by the way. Hate it. I mean, it's like negating the entire doctrine of overcoming the natural man. I don't mean to go all preachy on this but, c'mon, Lady. You should know better.)

I've been having some "getting to know you" conversations with a new friend of mine. We're sending facebook messages and random texts and just having fun swapping stories and random facts about each other. What's interesting to me is that she continues to be surprised. Am I that unexpected? When I take a step back and think about it, nothing I've shared fits into any sort of mold. I think people who don't know me well are often surprised when they get to know me better.

It's fun to be random. A few facts that I've shared with her that have caused some laughter:
I HATE my scrawny wrists/neck. Many people like the "elegant" look. I see "awkward weakling." Therefore, I will ALWAYS wear my hair down and load up on bracelets.

Every time I do laundry, I have to fight the urge to slide down the stairs inside my laundry baskets. My limited knowledge of physics tells me that will not end well. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to try.

I hate smelly lotions/candles/air freshener. More specifically, I hate the ones that smell like food. Sugar cookie or raspberry should NOT be the scent of a person. I should never be tempted to eat my own hand. If I smell vanilla, I want to be able to eat a cookie.

I hate shopping carts. I will cut the circulation off my own hand by carrying a 30lb plastic basket around the store before trying to maneuver a cumbersome shopping cart. It slows me down. I have no patience for that.

I love artsy things, but I HATE making them. Again, with the patience thing. I'm addicted to etsy.com because I'd much rather pay someone else to make something simple than try to figure out how to do it myself.

I love clothes, but I hate hair and makeup and heels and fingernails. I like looking good, I just hate the effort it takes. I only recently have started experimenting with braids and other hairstyles. But I won't do anything that takes more than 2 minutes. No blow dryers for me!!

Those things being said, I did some things recently that are totally out of character for me. (Assuming that, with my randomness, there is such a thing as "in character.")

 I got my first manicure. Mom re-gifted a gift certificate she got from work. Of course, they were immediately smudged and rough-looking, but I LOVE the color and had to go buy my own bottle so I can do it again myself. (And by "myself", I mean I'm going to ask Gina to do it. When I paint, it looks like a 6-year-old did it.)











I created an earring holder out of a place mat. I've been checking out earring display ideas on Pinterest and this is NOTHING like any of them. But it was innovative and colorful and TOTALLY me! I'm pretty danged proud of myself. I didn't technically have to "make" anything. I hung a place mat on my wall and then stuck my earrings in it. But still ...







Also, out of character for me: I missed the "make a silly
face" memo in our Zumba picture! Really, the story's funnier than that. Valerie (mentioned in my previous post, and also the recipient of aforementioned "getting to know you" messages) claims to be pretty reserved. But I don't believe a word of it. A couple of weeks ago, she was my Zumba buddy at a fundraiser they did for Special Olympics. The two of us had a BLAST trying to follow new choreography that included awkward stops and even a bit of air guitar. Then, those of us who attend the Zumba Sisters' class got together for a group photo. They had us do a few silly ones. And sweet little Valerie leans in to stick her tongue in my ear! I was so distracted and laughing so hard that I totally missed the picture. Although, this zoomed in version still makes me pretty happy! Look how pleased she is with herself! :)





It's pretty "in-character" for me to be inappropriate and immature, so I don't have to explain the ideas behind this next picture other than, mom and dad were out of town and mom has a LOT of crafty letter blocks. SOMETHING had to be done with them! Letter blocks + Suzie + Gina + pizza make for one fun party!







AND now here's a brief photo summary of last weekend's trip to Utah:

I met up with Lisa for dinner and some shopping. Also, I brought her step kids down from Idaho to spend the weekend with them. I was scared to drive down with a 6 year old and a 4 year old, but they slept the whole way!

My job for the bridal shower was to make the signs and set them up on the street corners. Sydney helped me. You gotta jump really good to get these suckers into the ground!

 

Cousins Hampton, Brooke & Sydney at the bridal shower. I really love Hampton's happy grin in this picture!!

Sydney put together a "How well do you know each other?" game. Amanda and Lee had no idea what to expect when they got an answer wrong! We kinda made a mess of Grandma's living room. But it was so fun!

Kim, Hampton and me. I can't get enough of these ladies!

Alex, Brooke, Amanda and Sydney. These sisters are SO MUCH fun! I think I love my cousins more and more every time we get together. I'm pretty lucky that I have the best family in the world!

Mama and Grandma Ruby.

My cute mom and her cute mom.

I went shopping with Kim and Hampton. I bought a bookcase at IKEA and Hampton helped me push it out to the car--with STYLE!

There are also some Silvester cousins down in Utah! This other cousin Amanda is probably going to be angry at me for posting a pregnant picture. Whatever. She's adorable. And her unborn child already kicked me.