Back in Idaho

So ... I've been avoiding blogging about this because it just sucks and I don't want to talk about it! But I figured I should let you all know. I lost my job in Salt Lake. It was actually a forced mutual decision. I was miserable. They wanted to fire me. After a whole day of deliberations, I just quit. It was going to happen anyway, whether it was that day or 2 weeks later after being miserable and on "probation"! I felt like I was on probation anyway ... I didn't need more paranoia! So, I packed for a couple of weeks and came home to Idaho. I was going to be making the trip every weekend from SLC anyway, so I figured I'd just stay here.

I'm super relieved at being back in Idaho and just want to find a job and stay here. My goal is still to work my tail off and be able to go on a mission in a few months, but it's going to be a LOT harder without that technical writer income! But everytime I think about going back to live in Salt Lake, I just want to cry! I sucks though because Sarah and I just signed a contract for a new contract and moved in two weeks ago! And now I'd be leaving her on her own. I still don't have a job. I've been looking into things and am waiting to hear back from a few places, but my future hangs in the balance! I could really use your prayers right now! I'm trying hard not to be so discouraged and depressed about this, but it's not working out very well!

I have some great friends in Idaho that kidnapped me and cheered me up when I got back to Idaho. I'm grateful for that. I just love being back home! I just wish I had a purpose and a vision of how it's supposed to work out. Faith. I'm working on that.

Things to Blog About ...

I'm starting to notice something about myself. I suck at blogging! I read my friends' blogs and hear about family vacations and fun things kids say and new babies and preparing for new babies and new cars and moving and coworkers and exciting, but everyday occurrences. (Not that new babies come every day, but it's life that you guys are all talking about!)
So, what's my problem? I don't talk about life. I could tell you all about the rodeo I went to on Saturday night or I could tell you that Sarah and I are moving today (yes, I'm included in all of the bloggers who are moving!) But we're only moving two buildings away and we're doing it all after work today. I could tell you about the five mile hike I went on last night by myself that was steeper than I expected and my knees (which are in NO good shape) were shaking like crazy by the time I got back to the bottom IN THE DARK and I almost stepped on a snake. Then I came home and threw up all night because of the bad toll it took on my body when I hadn't eaten and I didn't drink anything.
I could blog about how I don't have internet at my apartment (I never did, I've been pirating it, but now that's not even working) and so I can't check facebook (because it's blocked at work) so I'm getting emails up the wazoo about people sending me messages and trying to add me as a friend, but I can't do anything about it, and I have no idea how Baby Lila is doing and it's KILLING ME!!!
I could blog about the car accident I got in today on my lunch break. How a guy came out of nowhere as I was backing out of my parking spot at my apartment and how my bike rack took out his passenger window and tore chunks out of his back door and we had to swap insurance info, wait for the cops to come and get his car towed away because the fender was smashed into the tire so he couldn't drive it.
I could tell you about Kim, my coworker who called me at midnight one night from the emergency room. I drove down there to sit with her and she hasn't talked to me since then.
I could tell you about all these things that normal people blog about, but really ... I'm most concerned that I can't figure out how to get a YouTube video to post, cuz really, this is what I wanted to share: My favorite So You Think You Can Dance routine so far in the 2008 season!
All I can figure out is the link. Enjoy.

Favorite So You Think You Can Dance routine of the season!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jq-8YUHjBNQ

Utah Arts Festival takes on the twins!!!

Or, maybe I took them all on! So, I thought it would be fun to spend time with my cousin Heather's kids. Shyanne's 15, Shae's 10 and Hunter & Gavyn are 4. She also thought it would be fun for me to spend time with her kids--and give her a break! So, I decided to experience the Utah Arts Festival! I wanted to bring out the hippie in me by listening to music, making crafts, exploring fun exhibits ... probably buying jewelry (hard to break old habits). But, the boys saved me some money! We spent the entire time in the kid zone! I couldn't believe the great ideas they had for kids crafts! They had huge sculptures made of foam and tissue paper, and kids could just come on their own and add their own section! They had endless stacks of AOL trial CDs and they were having kids paint on them and then hang them from a PVC pipe jungle using pipe cleaners! (picture on the right of Hunter playing in the painted CD jungle!) Man, this stuff was cool! And a long-haired bearded hippie helped Shyanne and Shae take a popsicle stick (more like one of those wider tongue-thingies that doctors use) and glue a gord seed at the bottom of it. Then they tied some strings and beads at the top. The plan is to shove the stick (seed end first) into the dirt, and you'll grow a gord! He even had some gords in beaded nets hanging up for the kids to see!
There was a tent full of musical instruments that the kids could play with supervision (the old guy got frustrated at Hunter grabbing everything, so I decided it was time to move on!) and there were also drums, a gong, and a marimba that the kids could bang on without hurting anything! It was fun and crazy, but it all proved to be too much restriction and structure for these boys. At the end, the highlight of their evening was the few minutes I let them play (more like swim!) in the fountain, and then the stop of McDonald's Happy Meals on the way home.
Whew! How do hippies keep track of their children? It's exhausting!

I don't know about you guys, but this song just gives me goosebumps! I've been listening to conference tapes and just thinking so much about the Gospel and about our purposes in mortality and about Heavenly Father's plan. The idea of serving a mission is SO EXCITING to me! We have such great purpose in this life, and such great purpose on the mission!
But I think the message of the song can be applied to our lives in mortality, and also our time on the mission. I love how C.S. Lewis wrote the Chronicles of Narnia and how much of it parallels our celestial and our mortal lives. I love his relgious thoughts and teachings. I think this song is a good example of how much it all relates. I just thought I'd share the lyrics with you.

The Call--Regina Spektor
from The Chronicles of Narnia --Prince Caspian

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
Till it was a battle cry
I'll come back when they call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Until they're before your eyes
You'll come back when they call you
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back when they call you
No need to say goodbye

Lila's Diagnosis

For those of you who are following this, I thought I'd keep you posted on the latest update on Lila written by her grandma:

It has taken me until today to be able to write an update on how Lila is doing. Yesterday brought the diagnosis we all feared – brain cancer. Lila’s tumor was made up of 2 elements; the outer section was a teratoma tumor (which is very rare to find in that location and in an infant), but the inner core was a yolk sac or germ cell tumor, which is the worst and most malignant tumor. It truly was miraculous that this very dangerous tumor was incased in a teratoma tumor and that the tumor was able to be successfully removed. Lila will start chemotherapy a week from Monday – June 16. She will have 8 months of chemo, which will involve a once a month treatment in which she will be hospitalized for 3-5 days. Germ cell tumors have a 40 -60% survival rate, which was devastating to hear yesterday but seems very hopeful today. We are hoping that all of you will be willing to hang in for a very long time with us. We need all of your prayers more than ever! I will keep Fast for Lila updated with new pictures (check out the one of Lila smiling that Ben posted today ☺ ), and frequent updates on how she is progressing. As soon as Ben and Annie have figured out how they are going to readjust their lives for her to be treated at Duke, I will post that too. We are completely humbled with immense gratitude for all of you. The comfort you have brought us is impossible to put into words.

Vote for Silvester!!

Do you agree that this is a pretty cute kid? Vote for him!

http://www.parents.com/app/sharemy/photoDetails.jsp?photoId=189600034

Silvester Clark Williams deserves your vote! (He's my cousin's kid--that's the technical term for our relationship)

Update on Lila

Lila's tumor was operated on on Friday. It hadn't penetrated the brain stem, like they'd feared. It'd partially calcified, so it also came out easier than they'd expected. The doctors used the word "miracle" on several occasions. They say she is 2 days ahead of schedule in her recovery. She is now out of the ICU and in her own room where her parents can stay with her. She's making eye contact with her family and they've been able to hold her and talk to her. The next step is to check her gag reflexes and sucking abilities and get her off the feeding tubes and back on a bottle. She's doing GREAT! Don't ever let anyone tell you that prayers don't work and that there's no such thing as a miracle! Thanks for everyone's support!