My best regards to 2011

I'm sorry, 2011. You got the blog shaft.
I'm hoping 2012 will get the upper hand. But it's early yet. And it's not off to a super great start. So, only time will tell. I have good intentions.
Don't feel totally shafted, 2011. You really had it good.
For instance, 2011 brought me THIS:

Life's greatest blessings come in the form of friends who will listen to you whine, help you streamer a friend's bedroom, tell you that you're not as hopeless as you claim to be, flirt with the Chukars mascot, tough out some SERIOUS drama with you, demote you from being Captain to merely "steerer", celebrate earth-breaking triumphs, and leave random treats in and on and under your car. (and hold you up when you're squatting at a concert because your hips hurt.) I met Kari in 2010, but in 2011, she turned into a HUGE blessing for me, and I'm SO grateful for that blessing!

Through 2011, the Post Register newspaper continued to pay my bills while I stressed and screamed and went crazy booking their advertising and laying out the newspaper. The PR and I continue to have a tortured relationship and may be seeking counseling.

In 2011, I hiked, Zumba'd and volleyballed my a** off. And by saying that, it would imply that I ever had an a** to begin with. I never did. But, since the other squishy parts of me still exist, I'm going to say that it was my a** that was most affected. Hmm. I probably shouldn't have ever gone here to begin with. 


In 2011, I did a lot of hiking, Zumba and played a lot of volleyball. I'm starting to get pretty nervous that my joints and my energy level are not aging in unison. I LOVE to play and I don't ever want to have to slow down. But, I have definitely been fighting my share of knee, hip and shoulder pains. Nothing I'd ever go to the doctor for, of course.

 hike to Union Falls (17 miles?) with Cameron, Kari, Gina, me, Brooke, Jared, Tanner, Melissa and Keri.

I played on 3 recreational volleyball teams in 2011. This was our team for the women's league. Melissa, Jessica, me, Andrea and Kylee with Kim and Heidi in the front row. It was such a fun collection of girls from all over the place. Kylee and I have had a blast playing together for awhile now and I just LOVE having that tradition with her! I even called my childhood friend Andrea out of retirement to come join us! (she's the shmoe in the back with the antlers.) 

My cousins Amanda and Alex joined me at Zumba before our family reunion! I'm kind of a Zumba nut. Who'd have EVER thought that would happen? I've always been the uncoordinated, lazy girl who'd rather eat a cookie than work out. Well, THAT hasn't changed. But I LOVE going to Zumba and sweating out my uncoordination! Honestly? The highlight for me is the fun I get to have with friends. In 2011, I got Gina, Keri, Lisa, Bethany and Shayla all coming to Zumba. Then we have to count the amazing Tami and Amy who teach and have become close friends as well. Also, there's this girl.

Valerie has brought SO much sunshine into my life in such a short time! We met at Zumba, but it took us awhile to both creep out of our comfort zones and become friends. But, now that we have, it's amazing how close we've become so fast. I just love this lady! I don't have any pictures of us together yet. Don't tell her I stole this from her facebook page. ;) Thank you, 2011, for bringing me Valerie. 2012, it's up to you to keep this going! And I really can't wait! 

Is it obvious that PEOPLE are my favorite THINGS? 2011 brought me lots of good people and good experiences. Here are just a few more:

This guy. I think he entered my life in ... 1994? But 2011 taught us how crazy-similar we are. Apparently "dork" runs in the family. (he's my 17-year-old cousin.) Makay has been cracking me up all year! We've started a tradition of giving each other "the bird" which means finding some bird figurine that Grandma uses as decoration in her house and handing it to one another. Makay and I also shared an epic canoeing trip down the river with his brother, Dallin. We played dueling banjos with our canoe paddles. I did NOT teach Mak how to paddle a boat. Which end's up? Seriously. This kid is hilarious. And we get along alarmingly well.

Then, there's my cousin Kim. 2011 (and every year for the past ... 5 years?) has brought on a lot of heart-warming conversations. Last year was particularly monumental. Thanks so much for sharing your love, support and insight, Kim!

You know, I could go on forever about 2011 and we all know there are plenty of gaps to fill, since my posts have been PATHETIC, but how can I really make up for a year's worth of blogging in one post that anyone's actually going to read? If you read this all the way through ... well ... I don't believe that anyone really will.

Anyway, maybe I'll do some quicker, smaller, more event-based posts in retrospect. Anyone want to hear about Halloween? ;) Oooh! I really want to post about Kylee eating Skyler's cheese. Another day.

As for this re-cap, I'll just show you one more thing that 2011 brought me:

 hello, baby.

Right after work on a Friday:

I have no idea how to be loved.

I find great accomplishment in the fact that I've arrived at work by 10:00 every morning this week. (okay, 10:15, but still.) I'm giving NO credit to daylight saving's time for this.

I can never type the word "silver" without it becoming "silvester."

I've completely revised my sock preferences. I need to clean out my sock drawer.

Even good things go uneaten in my world. I'm a food hoarder. These milk chocolate-covered caramel- macadamia clusters that my boss brought back from Hawaii are going to go bad before I eat them all.

I used to only do laundry once every 2-3 weeks. Now, I need to wash my volleyball shirt before every game. Laundry once a week is so annoying.

Laundry's my favorite household chore.

Our volleyball team is ranked #7 out of 12 teams. Whatever. That's GOOD.

I'm addicted to Pinterest. I feel more fashionable when I can pin pretty things, even if I don't own them.

My definition of "pretty" is so different from most people's.

I hate all shoes with heels--it's not just a comfort thing. Most of them are just plain ugly. I also don't like a lot of shiny things.

I'm more obsessed with Harry Potter than I ever gave myself credit for.

This week, I've listened to almost an entire season of Friends while I work. I can't focus unless there's something worth paying attention to.

I like my wood iPhone case more than I like the actual phone. There's another crack in it. We're onto our 4th glue job. The day I can no longer fix it is the day I throw my phone away.

Heroins

Source: hardlybreathe.livejournal.com via Brooke on Pinterest

I'm a crappy blogger

as consolation, here's a treat for you all.
It's been stuck in my head for 4 days now, and I'm still not sick of it.
Enjoy.

See all the CollegeHumor Original Videos here.

Alert: Emo Post

I'm wondering if I can even make sense of things to myself. Is it a girl thing to over-think, over-analyze and be driven by emotions?
I have been SUCH a girl lately.
I didn't realize I was so needy. I didn't realize I was so fragile and so off-kilter. I knew I was confused. I knew that I had a LOT going on in my head. I knew that good things have happened that remind me of other good things, but that's kind of put a shadow over my current life perspective. Do you ever look back and reminisce over mini-triumphs and life-changing experiences, only to recognize that the HERE and NOW is nothing to celebrate? Where did those moments of clarity go? Why have I lost that purpose and sense of direction?
These past few months have been CRAZY. The specifics are not all mine to share. There's SO much good to come of all of this, but I'm having a hard time finding application and a solid ground to build that good stuff on.
I've had some amazing people in my life. And I'm not just talking about fun friends to go to lunch with and laugh with. Although, those are SO valuable. But the ones that have made such an impact lately are those who have been vulnerable.
Vulnerability is such a crazy thing. I don't understand it, and yet I'm captive by it. I used to think it wasn't okay to be vulnerable with other people. I couldn't allow myself to show weakness. But, sometimes it's forced on us. Those have been the times of greatest connection and growth. Crying with friends can't necessarily be considered "fun", but it's one of my favorite past times. I've forged amazing relationships and have taught and learned so much through these moments of vulnerability.
What's amazing to me is to see how far people have come. When you know someone at their lowest, when they trust and let you in and ask for help when it seems they've got nowhere else to turn to, you get to REALLY know them. I am reeling at how these bonds are formed. I've prayed and prayed and I know the Lord guides us in our lives to the people we need the most. I know I've felt that guidance and have been on both sides of that situation. I've felt Him direct me in what to say and do for a friend in need. Do any of you know how great it feels to truly be a "ministering angel"? When you know that, by just being there, and by being willing to love and support, the Lord has used you to bless the life of someone else. It's amazing. A-MAZING. And what's even better? Three years down the road, there's NO sign of that fragile person you loved and cared for so long ago. She's still there--but she's unrecognizable. Who she has become through the whole refining process leaves me speechless and in tears. She deserves it and I'm so proud of her.
But I can't help but be a bit jealous. Where's my transition? I certainly wasn't strong and resilient through all these painful circumstances. I look at my own life and can't help but feel that I need to be better. I know I've come a long way. I started typing that I hadn't, but I remembered that I know better. I have learned SO much and have grown tremendously. But I'm still cycling.
Just recently, I've been learning the importance of trust. I'm not necessarily talking about the difference between telling lies and telling truth, but more along the lines of loving and allowing oneself to be loved. There are few people whom I've truly let into my life, into my weaknesses and dirty laundry. Who wants to share those things? Who even wants to go there? I realize now, that I do. SELECTIVELY.
I have received the answer time and time again that I need people and I need to stop pushing them away. I need to pull them in. I've had awesome experiences with people who have been heaven-sent. I need to learn better the art of "bearing one anthers' burdens." I LOVE to care for my friends. I love to offer help and be involved in their lives. I love when they trust and confide in me. I have NO problem opening my heart to weaknesses and sharing my love when a good friend needs it. I'm a complete disaster when it comes to doing it the other way around. I want that more than ANYTHING in the world. But how do you get there? How do you ask for it, or accept it willingly when it's there? I've found that I'm so insecure. I find myself small-talking about popcorn and camouflage when I really just need to talk about something real. I find myself craving validation and bursting into tears when a friend texts me JUST what I'd been needing to hear--and then I feel pathetic for needing it so badly.
How can good experiences and memories throw my world so off-kilter? Why am I so shaken up by life's greatest joys? Why can't I hold on to the good feelings and use them?

Because I can't ignore a direct request from Valerie

Valerie wants me to update my blog. And I know she was talking to me when she said it.

--Summers and falls are for country music. It always happens that way. (I live in Idaho, so it kind of just applies here.) Working at the Post Register has its perks. We sponsor lots of events and I get free tickets. Hello, Josh Turner. Hello, Ronnie Dunn. Thanks for letting me sing along.

--someone I care about just broke off her engagement. There were lies and secrets. Things may have been okay if he'd been honest from the beginning. It's made me think a lot. I understand the need for openness and honesty in a marriage relationship. It's SO important. I think it's important to have someone you don't feel like you have to hide from. That someone should be your spouse. I've realized that there is not one person in my life that I feel I can be completely open and honest with. There are a few who are close. But there are still barriers. Is this something that can/should only be achieved in marriage? Maybe I still just gotta wait my turn.
On a related note: I have a friend who hasn't told his wife about an ex-girlfriend that he was madly in love with. She broke his heart. Isn't this something his wife should know about? None of my business. I just believe in honesty.

--My email account was hacked this morning. This is one of those things that never seems like a big deal until it happens to you. Still, it wouldn't have been that big of a deal to me, either if I hadn't just sent Viagra/sex drive emails to 1/2 of my coworkers AND my Stake Presidency.

--Pinterest is a little bit inspiring for me. I think I may even learn how to braid my hair. Cooking is still a ways down the road, but it could happen.

--Last night, I was digging through an old plastic crate full of CD's. The crate had been stored on a shelf in the basement and I was holding it in my lap while I looked for "Joseph: A Nashville Tribute to the Prophet." About halfway through the digging, I noticed that stuck to the back of the crate (and subsequently also sitting on my lap) was a VERY full spider trap. Now, most girls would have thrown the entire thing out the window and ran away screaming. I shuddered. And continued to dig. Never found that CD.

--So often, when I'm frustrated or just craving some sort of gratification, I'll think about going shopping and actually ask myself, "Is there anything I could buy right now?" Yes. The concept of "living by necessity" is pretty far out of my reach.

On a completely unrelated note, I think I need this.

"Come back, bunny!"

Muppets + OkGo ??
Best idea EVER.