Home Decor ... how do you decorate a construction zone?

<---Do you see that link on your left? No. Not that one. Although, I'd totally recommend it.
I'm talking about the one entitled "All Things Thrifty Home Accessories and Decor." With a subtitle that assuredly has something to do with paper mache trees for your nursery, or making stretchy hair bows with six inch flowers on them or even wall stenciling birdies on your living room wall. Ooh! While I'm thinking about it, watch this:
Put a Bird On It.
Okay, so what business do I have in even having that link on my page? NONE. I don't even know why it's there. I have no recollection of putting it there. Don't know where I got it, or why it interests me. But, I kind of wish it did.
You see, I'm not really a hater of all things domestic. It's just that I live in a construction zone. How can I dream of re-finishing my kitchen cabinets with stained class fronts when I live in my parents' unfinished basement? Every pair of socks I own is covered in sawdust and bits of drywall. The other day, I even got a splinter through my sock from the hallway. I've been voiceless for five days now and sick on and off for a month because I've been inhaling pink insulation.
Late Saturday night, I single-handedly moved my love seat from the family room into my uncarpeted bedroom. I scooted/carried it on my back and then got it wedged in my bedroom doorway. I mean, it was really stuck. I had to call my dad out of bed and have him come take the door off, or I was going to have to climb over the 5 foot couch to make it to the bathroom.
I have no business trying to promote "home decor." I have a hand-me-down love seat in my bedroom with Grandma's old rugs on a cement floor. My closet and windows aren't framed and ... oh yeah. I'm living in my parents' basement!
But ... someday, I dream of having a living room of my own for this love seat. And then, maybe I'll be able to decorate the way I want to. I can't help but collect things here and there for that "someday" when I'll have my own place and freedom to decorate. Last week, I went to the store for toenail clippers. I left with a table runner and placemats. Oh, boy. I don't even have a table! But I'm figuring that part out. These are what I want my table to look like when I have my own table! And someday, I will. Until then, i wonder if I could hang them on my wall or something.
Here's my collection of favorites. There's a theme I'm shooting for. Bikes. Poppies. Pictures of friends. Greens, reds, browns. Summer in Idaho. Sorta hippie, sorta urban, NO gerber daisies and a lot of just Brooke. :)

 I thought I got all the important stuff in this first picture. Here are the favorites clockwise from top left: Light Blue Dresser (I'm pretty sure my great-grandpa built it. This is the real thing. Vintage, eh? The top two knobs I bought at Anthropologie.:) Laugh Jar (I don't own this yet, but I love it. I'd go back and order it from etsy if I could remember which shop I stole the picture from.) The Top of My Dresser (I love photos of people I love. I also love my red beaded lamp I bought while shopping with my cousins in Boise back in high school. I also was collecting women-at-the-well statues until January 2010 when my beloved black pottery statue from Oaxaca, Mexico took her plunge and shattered. My zeal for the collection is gone. These three miss her.) Rainbow Wicker Placemat (This is what I just bought. it's kind of like a woven wicker mat or something. Except it's not very authentic. I bought two of them and a matching table runner at Bed, Bath & Beyond. Ahem. I mean, I bought them from a Samoan in a grass hut on a beach somewhere.) Bike pillow (again, not mine, but I want it.) Coconut Wind Chime (Kylee and I found these at a sidewalk shop in Key West. They guy had hundreds of them all packaged in plastic. He probably had them imported from Des Moines. Whatever. It makes a fun sound when the wind blows!) Bike PDX Banner. ("PDX" means "Portland" in airport-talk and maybe other languages. I've never really biked PDX. But, while I was there this summer I was obsessed with all the bike paths! And I kind of love bikes, so this one had to be mine.) Black/White stripey/polka dotted curtain (Shinae was trying to sell these at a garage sale. I took them in exchange for a few of my own items to sell. I think I have three. I LOVE them. I currently don't have a curtain rod, so I have them covering my dresser.)

After I took the first picture, I realized I forgot my green table! So, I had to gather a few more items for a collage. Green table (I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be a patio table, but whatever. They were on clearance at Kohl's. I bought two. They stayed in Lisa John's bedroom in their boxes because we had every intention of assembling them on her balcony. It never happened. She put this one together for me when i moved to Brooke & Gina's. The other one is still in his box.) Orange jewelry dish (I know it's more white and green than orange, but it's made out of an orange. Well, the peel, actually. Turned inside-out and coated with waxy stuff. I bought this somewhere along the MesoAmerica tour. I don't remember where.) Glass ... perfume bottle? (that thing would hold a LOT of perfume. Mom and Grandma go crazy at Tai Pan. It's not really my style, but every once in awhile, I find something to be excited about. This was one of those.) Poppies and more poppies. (I love them.  I love the reddish-orange ones best. I'd also like them better if they didn't reflect the camera flash .I also remember making a pact to name a daughter "Poppy" although, I don't see Lindsay or Andrea following through on their parts of that deal. Where are Lily and Daisy?)


You'd think I'd dust before I took the pictures. But I don't dust. It's all part of my charm.

I can't be domestic, even if I wanted to. I want to crochet a headband and I almost think I could do it. But, I can't find my crochet hook.
I'm removing that "home and thrifty decor crap" link off of my blog ... as soon as it's no longer relevant for this post. So, if you're getting here late and can't find it, that's why. But, if you REALLY want it, here it is. It's cool stuff. I just don't know what the crap to do with any of it.

Leave the light on, I'm coming over.

I just spent a half hour watching a friend blow raspberries on her three-year-old son's neck.
And I LOVED it.

We talked quite a bit (in-between raspberries) about families and priorities and differences in upbringing. I've been fairly reflective about these things lately. There's so much I wish I had, and so much I wish I could relate to. For years and years, I longed painfully for the sibling relationships others seemed to enjoy so much. I know I've posted about it before, so I won't go there again, because that's not what this is about.
Amy made me think from a different perspective. In fact, since I've become friends with her, my perspective has been altered more than once. She's not much older than me, but is married with four beautiful boys. She has three sisters with whom she's really close with. (They freaking talk to each other every single day and see each other almost as often.) While this does spark a bit of jealousy, it also makes me think about what I value and admire in others and what I can emphasize in my own life to reflect that.

I can't change the fact that I'm an only child. That's just the way it is. I'm never going to progress in this life to the stage of "siblinghood." It hurts to say it, but I have to look beyond that. And, for the time being, I feel currently helpless about my relationship status. I haven't often mentioned that I long to be married and have a family, but I do. Someday, little Afton, Ririe, Crimson and Shane* need to come into this world with my destructive personality and abundance of hair to terrorize the rest of you. Someday.
But, until that time comes, I can try my darnedest to be happy with where I am.

Sitting in Amy's living room today, while Jake climbed all over his mom, I thought about how much I LOVE the kind of mom she is. I love that she notices her kids and takes time for them. I see her several times a week sans-children, so when I DO see her with her kids, I find myself drawn to observe. She is so attentive and aware. Amy's family takes first priority. She doesn't stress over make-up or dishes (although whenever I see her, she looks BEAUTIFUL and her house is never a huge mess). She focuses on her boys. They know their mom loves them. Amy's extended family has more family parties (birthdays/baptisms/mission farewells/new babies) than any other family I've heard of. There are so many of them, there ALWAYS seems to be something going on. They attend each others' sporting events and keep tabs on which merit badges they're all working on. I want this. I want to be ATTENTIVE and INVOLVED. I so desperately want people in my life and I want to be in theirs. I know I tend to be self-centered. I don't mean to. Blame it on my only-childhood, my insensitivity--whatever. But it's not intentional. I want to be more consciously aware and concerned about the people I love--whomever they may be.
I'm grateful to Amy and her family for teaching me what's important.

I often feel so disoriented when it comes to relationships. I never feel like I fully belong anywhere. My own family is so segmented. My parents often forget they have a kid (which is fine. They're in love and enjoy spending time together and I LOVE that.) But I'm a definite third wheel in my own family. I always get outvoted and left behind. My cousins are great and have been great friends and great cousins. Kim, especially has become the sister I always wanted. We can talk to each other about anything, and we usually do! But, when it comes down to it, we all live in different states, see each other only a couple times a year (if that) and priority still lies with our own immediate families--of which I am not one. Every now and then, something will happen to remind me how much I value these cousins of mine. This week has been full of them: Shyanne interpreting for the YW General Conference session, Sydney and I shopping for scripture bags together over the internet, Amanda and I fighting over brownies, Kim ... I have good family. I wish we all lived closer.

I'm sort of in a friend-transition zone. It's been weeks since I've been a part of the social scene in my singles' branch. I got tired of the segregation and social compartmentalization and so I've sort of phased out. I thought I'd miss it or be missed a bit more, but it's kind of been a huge relief to not have to fight my way through it all. I feel like I'm back in high school and I'm just ready to graduate so I can move on and not have to worry about not being the popular girl. These people are great and have been great, but I've hit a lull and I'm just so tired of feeling like I'm on the outside of everything. And then, of course--those friends all have their own families.

Tami, Amy and their families have been my tender mercies. I got a text from their baby sister, Sara on Saturday. "Just thinking about you this morning and wishing we were x-country skiing!" I love that I'm friends with all of them! It's Holly's birthday next week and we're all going out to lunch. I harass their teenagers like I'm part of the family. I really like pretending that I'm part of the family. I hope for more opportunities to develop that.

I realized tonight that I see most relationships in terms of how they can develop and get stronger and better and more fulfilling. When I leave, I often think of how next time, I can improve it. I daydream about being a stronger force in each others' lives. I realize that others don't think the same way. I just really hope other people don't hit brick walls with me just as I'm gaining momentum.

I'm not sure what's in store for me. I'm not moping. Really. I'm not. I love what I'm learning. I love analyzing personal relationships and realizing what I value and what I can live without. I love what I learned from Amy. That's what I want. I'm so grateful she invited me into her home to just chill and be comfortable and recognize what's really good in this world. I want that in my life again. I want good people in my life again.
I'm just going to start showing up on peoples' couches.

*Yes, I've had names picked out for YEARS. Don't judge me. And don't steal them.
**I've also gotten myself a bit wrapped up in reading this blog. Shawni's got great family stories to tell and I love the way she interacts with the people in her world.

My girl's all grown up and saving China!

Okay, so she's not exactly saving China, but if you get that movie reference you get a gold star.

Let me tell you about "my girl." Shyanne is the oldest of my cousin Heather's kids. Their family has had a ROUGH few years and Shyanne's grown up in the middle of it all. She was born deaf, but has stayed at the top of her class all through school. This girl is SMART. When Shy was three, I started to learn sign language in order to talk to her. I'm NOT fluent, and I'm always out of practice, so Shyanne has to be super patient with me. But I've loved signing and I'm so grateful for the bond I've been able to build with Shyanne.

A few years ago, when she was in high school, I invited her to attend General Conference at Temple Square with me. Shyanne was baptized at nine-years-old, but her exposure to the Church had been fairly minimal and sporadic. She agreed to come, and we spent the first 30 minutes of the session RUNNING around Temple Square trying to find the ASL broadcast. We watched the interpreted session in the Joseph Smith Building, and I was sure Shyanne would be bored out of her MIND. Fast forward just a two years. Shyanne started attending church on her own with some friends. She was her Laurel class president. I still have the texts she sent me after her first experience in the Temple doing Baptisms for the Dead. This girl has been met with so many challenges, but continues to push through them. She knows who she is and works to be the person she knows her Heavenly Father wants her to become. I'm so proud of who she is and for her strength to follow what she knows to be right.

Now, remember that first experience watching conference in sign language?
This Saturday was the General Young Women Broadcast.

Watch for the cute interpreter with the glasses who interprets all the songs.


Great job, Shyanne.
Love you so much, girl!

Me and Shyanne together at Conference in April 2009.

Let's just talk about Friday

I have random updates to post, but if I did it all in one shot, this post would run on for days. AND, I'm not feeling very clever or witty--more ... rambly. So, for the sake of not being able to condense, I'm sticking to a day at a time. Friday it is.
Here's what I did on Friday!
Kimball came to visit. She joined me for Tami and Amy's Zumba class in Rigby in the morning. She'd never done Zumba before and had always been curious, especially when I told her how much I loved it! We were always the uncoordinated goofballs together, so the fact that I could love Zumba was encouraging. Kimball gushed appropriately at Tami and Amy (I'd told them all about each other and was so excited for two of my worlds to connect!) And then she giggled with me at how CUTE Tami is with her 8-month-pregnant belly still hopping around on the dance floor with more energy than I can muster! We grinned when tiny, white, freckled Amy busts out her "thug" moves. SO many things about these people make me happy and I was so excited to be able to share them with my Kimball. I also tried convincing Kimball that kicking her in the bum occasionally was just part of the choreography. She wasn't buying that one, but she did reciprocate fairly adeptly. :)
After work, I drove to Rexburg to Lacey and Michael's house for dinner. (Lacey's Kimball's sister.) Their brother Ryan was there, as was their Grandma Mooney and our friend Rachel. It just wouldn't be right if the whole family didn't come! Especially Grandma Mooney, who has a history of ... making us laugh. :)
Here are a few things that happened during dinner: I showed my chewed asparagus to Rachel and Kimball, Grandma asked me how many guys I was chasing and if any of them were serious. I reminded Grandma that I never do anything seriously. Ryan waited patiently to get to his seat while Rachel obliviously took her time picking out a strawberry. I told Ryan he could sit on Grandma's lap and Grandma cleared a space for him. Lacey and Michael said they were eating healthy. I brought fudge brownies. Michael asked me what brand my jeans were. I answered "some brand ... that I bought." Kimball wore high heels and carried a silver grown-up purse. The changes you make for a husband!
Then, we all broke off in our separate groups to go see Savior of the World on campus. Such an amazing production with a wonderful message. I needed that reminder--especially at this time of the year to be thinking of our Savior and His mortal life. His birth, His Atonement, His death and His Resurrection, and what all of those things mean to us in this life in preparation for the world to come. I was so grateful for the amazingly talented people who worked so hard to convey these messages. It was fun to recognize my neighbor, Jane Jackson in the dance ensemble, my FHE brother, Eli Hopkin as an apostle and my theater professors, Roger Merrill and Hyrum Conrad as voices of the prophets who prophesied of the coming of Jesus. I LOVE my friends and connections and being able to see and love those people all over again.
While I'm on that topic, one of the biggest highlights for me came after the show. Kimball, Rachel and I were wandering throughout the BYU-I Center, trying to find Ryan and Grandma. We were coming back down the stairs in the auditorium when I heard my voice. Cammie Sauer was dressed in her campus security uniform with a radio microphone pinned to her jacket. Cammie and I were transfer evaluators in the BYUI Registration office a couple years ago. We were glued at the hips (except she's pushing a foot shorter than I am, so I don't think our hips were anywhere near each other) and we talked to each other about everything. I developed such a strong love for Cammie and was heartbroken when my temporary position was over and we had to say goodbye. She's a busy mother of four, so we rarely see each other and even have a hard time staying in touch. But when I saw her, I nearly cried! I love these tender mercies and the AMAZING people the Lord puts in our lives and how we can all stay connected, even if it's only every now and then. I am blessed with the BEST people in my world.
To finish the night off, Grandma ran over Kimball with her wheelchair, we finished off the brownies, piled on top of each other on the couch and took lots of pictures. Since those pictures are on Kimball's camera--here are some old ones from mine.

This was another dinner with Grandma Mooney. When she was done with her watermelon, she placed her rind on MY plate. None of us could figure out why, but you just don't question when it comes to Grandma.

Kimball and Grandma Mooney at Lacey's wedding. I sat down at the table with Grandma, and got back up nearly an hour later. That's what you do when Grandma. You sit there and listen.

Another cozy couch squish. We have NO regard for personal bubbles. Alison, me, Kimball and Rachel. Pretty close to the same dynamics, just trade an Alison for a Lacey ... and shuffle the order around a bit. Hope nobody got hurt during that shuffle.

Me and Cammie, back when we were coworkers, back when we saw each other every day. Back when we were friends who knew what was going on in each others' lives. Back when Cammie didn't dress like a man.

Brimball. We like us.

Not quite a cure-all, but I'm going to treat it like it is.

Sometimes life sucks.
Sometimes you go through a box of tissues a day, not because you're crying, but because your head is beyond congested and you're fooled into believing tissues will help.
Sometimes you boast that you "never get sick" and then you're forced to eat your words. Twice. In one month!
Sometimes you screw up and do something you swore you were never going to do again.
Sometimes you dwell on those screw-ups because rebounding seems out of reach.
Sometimes you respond to the question, "Is there anything I can do?" By honestly venting your frustration and get the cold shoulder in response.
You learn to reconsider ever answering that question honestly.
Sometimes your ears click when you swallow because of all of that pressure in your head.
Sometimes, because it's hard to swallow, you choke on your hot chocolate and spray it everywhere.
Sometimes, hot chocolate in the eye really stings.
Sometimes a "system upgrade" at work is code for "system breakdown" so you have to pull a 10 hour day and do all your work manually.
Sometimes the new shoes you ordered are too small--and ugly.
Sometimes the new shirt you ordered comes wrinkled.
Sometimes the people you expect to help brighten your day are in bad moods, too.
Sometimes you miss a best friend's birthday because she's in another state and you long to do this all over again. Mostly, cuz you miss her.
Sometimes you go a whole week without interacting and nobody seems to miss you.
Sometimes the people who need you are far away, and the people close to you keep you on the outside.
Sometimes the chocolate cake donuts you bought to make you feel better taste like soggy dipped in wax.
And then you walk out to your truck in the morning to this:

And you remember that there are good people who care enough to show it. Thanks, Kari. You truly made my day!

Update: And then sometimes gravity tries to claim your cupcakes.

Making the most of my Saturday

Yesterday, I got my truck stuck in the snow. I'd spent a couple hours snowboarding at Kelly Canyon and then decided to call it quits after skidding around on the ice. But, of course, I couldn't go HOME! So, I headed to Palisades! Nobody should be surprised by that. If there's one place in the world that I can go to just be ME, it's Palisades. I need to make the Temple my sanctuary, and I'm working on it, but I'm still going to love retreating to Palisades. I'd intended to head up to the RV park where my dad and uncle Tom were working on refinishing the main house, but the river called out to me. (It ALWAYS does!) No, I didn't lose my phone ... but I never got close enough to the river to even try that! I drove down the Fall Creek road, and the place I would normally turn to get to the boat dock was one GIANT snow drift! There was no way to drive through. Neither was there a way to turn around and head back, so Captain and I just kept going on the icy road along the river. This is one of my all-time favorite places to be, anyway. In the summers, I love biking along this road. I was a little unnerved that it seemed to be covered in ice but, it was a beautiful day, I was going to enjoy it. I wasn't even surprised when I hit a super icy patch and slid off into the side of the mountain. I should have known better. Why is it such an instinct to hit the brakes? I knew I was STUCK. I called my dad to let him know where I was. He said he was on his way to come help. Thank goodness for awesome dads! And then, I put my snow pants and boots back on, pulled a collapsible shovel out of my truck emergency kit and started digging! By the time dad and Uncle Tom arrived, I'd moved my truck 4 feet! But ... I was still stuck. They brought life-sized shovels and 55-60 year old muscles and manly know-how and they worked my way out of that snow drift. Is it sick that this was so much fun for me?
I love Idaho. I love the snow and the dirt and the sunshine. I love rivers and icy patches and spotting deer along the roadside. I love that I can just decide on a whim to head out on an adventure. I love earning my Saturday night showers. :) To me, muscle fatigue and ravenous hunger is a sure sign that I've made good use of my Saturday.
Someday, I'll have other things to live for. I'll have people in my life who need me and expect things out of me. I'll have greater areas to be involved in and to serve. Right now, I sort of feel like I'm in the middle of all of that. I don't quite know where to put my emphasis and energy. I run myself ragged because I CAN. There will be too many years down the road when I'm going to need to be more responsible. Right now, I don't have to stay home. So, I'm not gonna.
Thank you, snowdrift, for hanging out with me this weekend.

You're gonna miss this when it's gone

I'm not one of those people who complains about snow. I'm actually a huge snow-defender. I kind of get a little riled up when someone groans "Oh no! It's snowing AGAIN!"

I'm the girl in the office that has to open the blinds big and wide so I can watch it flutter to the ground. Flutter? Who am I kidding? I live in Idaho. I usually watch it PLASTER and blow and swirl in every crevice and sheet coats of ice over our cars. That's the only time snow gets a bit annoying to me. I don't like it when it somehow super glues itself to my windshield. But other than that, I LOVE snow!

I just realized today that it's melting. It's the beginning of March. Most people are praying for Spring. My heart did skip a beat last week when the sun was shining and I went to work in just a jacket. I was excited for hiking and biking and going for walks around the greenbelt. You know, warm weather things.
But today, I decided--NOT YET!! I counted the ski tags on my coat while riding the chair lift this afternoon at Kelly Canyon. Four. FOUR?? That is SO not enough! And it always takes me a couple good funs to remember that I know how to snowboard and get to the point where I can stop being a wussy-pants and actually improve. Today was that day. I was totally shredding it up out there! (whatever, none of you were there, so you're just going to have to go along with my story.) I did all the runs I've been too scared to do before, and I didn't have to even slow down much before shooting down the straight and narrow channels. I need to go again! And then a couple more times after that!

Winter can't be over yet. I haven't been x-country skiing AT ALL. It was a fun hobby I re-developed two winters ago. Last year, I only went twice and thought that was pretty darn sad. But this year? Nonce. I need more time to fit it all in. And don't even get me started on ice skating, or hockey games (nonce on both accounts) or sledding (once) or hot chocolate, or running and sliding down the driveway. I promise I'll shovel 4 neighbors' driveways for another big snow storm! I just need to be able to play some more!

Now, for some pictures of the stuff.

 This was the year I lost my apartment under all that snow.

 You can't see it, but I'm on a snowboard. Comin' atcha!

 We rock at sweeping tennis balls around a sheet of ice using plastic brooms.

 We gotta do our stretches first. Why are there only three pairs of skis?

 Butt travel is so much easier in the snow.

 Only cool people wear coats with pot leaves on them.

 I decided that snow angels in my jammies was the best way to set the precedence for the New Year.

 Brimball likes snow.

 Snow doesn't have to keep you away from the playground. It obviously didn't keep me from wearing dorky glasses, either.

 When it snows 6 inches overnight, you basically have no choice but to make a round person out of it.

The maximum capacity of people plummeting down a hill in plastic tubs was never reached.

This isn't just any ol' dude who can adjust his boot while hovering four feet in the air above an ice half pipe. Nope. He's a World Cupper. At least ... that's what he was trying for.

There's only one place to stand when the fights break out.