Blog CPR

So, do any of you remember how my blog took a severe dive about this time last year? It has never fully recovered. I think its current status is nearing a dangerous range. I don't know blog CPR. I don't even know regular CPR. I don't know what to do when things die. I tend to overreact and overcompensate. I have full intentions of posting three times a day to get my blog up and rolling again. I'm the girl who irons on multiple patches to her favorite jeans until they're as stiff as a hockey goalie's pads. I'm the one who drowned mom's tulips after their blooms wilted away. I'm that friend who calls or texts, who can't leave things alone when I think you're pulling away from me. 

My blog isn't the only thing that's dying in my life right now. My social realm is coming to a big turning point. Due to some misappropriation of emotions and a large lack of finances, I'm moving out of my fun house with Brooke and Gina and back in with my parents. More than just living at home again, this means: I'm not longer on the "in" in any social situation. I'm already on the outside and have to fight to be involved, but now, I'm not even going to know about the stuff that goes on without me. Already, there are trips planned to hike in Southern Utah, and to play in Hawaii. Trips that I'm not involved in and was never even given to opportunity to accept or decline. My connections and involvement is dying. And I don't know CPR.

The death of summer approaches all too quickly. Havasupai was so much fun. But that can't be over! I'm trying desperately to figure out how to get to Portland in a couple of weeks for Desirae's wedding, but so far, I've had no luck. That friendship is dying. I've always tried to be there for Desirae, but my ability (both emotionally and physically) to do that has become weaker and weaker. The next week is Kimball's wedding in Spokane. Three weeks later, Lisa gets married here in Idaho Falls. These are the girls who were ALWAYS there for me. Not just in big groups, but one one one. I never had to make my own way when they were around. Someone always looked out for me and wanted to be with me--made sure I was happy and had fun. That phase of my life seems to be long-dead. I've tried to revive it with new people, but I'm not certified and I don't know what I'm doing.

Bryan Adams knows how I feel. I guess nothing can last forever.

Something good's gotta happen soon.