Medicine for the Body and Soul--Tornadoes and Truth.

I've been "sick" for about five weeks now. I don't get sick! but I got a cold back in February and it never seems to go away completely. We may have linked it to the construction that's going on in the basement. Every time dad pulls out the pink foam insulation, my symptoms flare up all over again. As of now, we're done insulating. My voice is back and I can almost count on being able to breathe through my nose at all times. It feels good!
Know what else feels good? Wearing myself OUT. I'm finally well enough to do stuff again! So of course, I do my best to over-do it. :) Friday morning I went to Zumba for an hour. I then plugged away at work until 7pm, ran home to change and then straight to volleyball for 2.5 hours. Saturday morning, I slept through Zumba, enjoyed the morning session of conference (which I will get to) and then hit the road on my bike. I should have thought this through a bit better. It was breezy outside, but I'd been CRAVING a good bike ride, and it really wasn't that bad. What was supposed to be just a casual ride around the outskirts of town got me all the way to the Ririe Cemetery. That tail wind was very encouraging! The problem with tail winds is that, once you've turned around, they become head-winds. I made it about a quarter of a mile before my bike STOPPED. I was still peddling, but there was dust in my eyes and the wind wasn't allowing me to move anywhere! Biking in the wind is a HORRIBLE idea. I was stuck. I swear it wasn't that windy when I left home. I hid behind a headstone, pondering what to do. I had the afternoon session of conference playing on my headphones and thought maybe I'd just wait out the wind storm (aka tornado). I texted my friend Holly, who lives in Ririe, just to see if she was headed back into Idaho Falls that day and if I could hitch a ride. Her husband and sons are avid bike-riders, so she could totally relate to my ... uh ... predicament. (stupidity?) But, Holly was still in I.F. from Zumba that morning. Dang. I did NOT want to have her make extra trips because I'm an idiot on a bike. I texted my home teacher, but he was sleeping. When Holly heard what was going on, she insisted that she could be there in 20 minutes to give me a ride home. I'm glad she was forceful about it. I felt horrible, but honestly, I didn't have anyone else to call. My dad's always on call to help pull me out (I get myself into these situations too often) but he was in Utah. Holly saved me. It's awesome to have such good people looking out for me.
When I got home, I was craving Zumba--even though I was exhausted--and did a few songs on my own, just to see how tired I could make myself. And then, I did something totally out of character. I CLEANED. I did laundry, scrubbed my bathroom floor and cleaned my bedroom. For those of you who've lived with me, you know this is kind of a big deal. I'm not a huge slob, but I RARELY break down and scrub stuff! I'll be honest: I hated it. But, I like that things are clean. I'm also glad it's over with. I opted to skip the vacuum this time. Last time, it coughed up dirt onto my floor, and the time before that, it just smelled like burning. My floor can stay dirty. I have a horrible track record.This girl was pretty tired, and I'd definitely earned my shower by the end of the day! (especially since I'd skipped it Friday night ... Ssshh.) It feels great to REALLY earn it. :)

Now, for even BETTER medicine: I've felt so emotionally and spiritually drained these last few weeks. I've kind of shut down. I'm overwhelmed at the prospect of trying to fix anything in my life, that I just haven't bothered thinking about it. Awesome technique, I know. Since I've remained frustrated, we can tell that it hasn't really worked. My commitment to good things has suffered and my relationship with my Heavenly Father has dwindled. I know better and I know that ultimately, My Savior is the only true source for healing. I know that. But so often, I feel like I'm just so screwed up, that I don't have the energy or commitment to do anything about it. Like I'm going to just miraculously be bestowed that strength before I make any effort of my own? Yeah, right. But still. I've been a punk and I'm drowning in it.
But, guess what happened this weekend? General Conference. :) I've been so overwhelmed with life and with my own insecurities, that I couldn't quite pinpoint what answers I wanted to receive from the conference addresses. I know the #1 thing I'm missing in my life is ACTION. I technically know what's right. My faith is still fully intact. I just haven't quite known what to DO about it, how to apply the Atonement in my life and how to move forward and beyond these weaknesses that drag me down. I prayed that I would know of specific actions to take to get myself out of this slump. I've struggled with motivation because I've lacked direction. Things like "service" have been such vague concepts for me. What should I do? For whom? I try, but I end up bringing store-bought cookies to the same people over and over again. Where's the purpose and growth there? I need greater direction in so many aspects. I'm tired of chasing my tail and not getting anywhere.
Today and yesterday, I think I found the motivation I've needed to press forward. Nothing's going to get any better without my effort. I want to find happiness and purpose in my life. I want to be a tool in the Lord's hands. I want to see beyond my current situation and look forward with a "perfect brightness of hope." I want to be worthy of the blessings the Lord has in store for me. I have a renewed quest to get there. I even have a few things in mind--directions the Lord has inspired me to take. The Lord expects more out of me than what I've been giving. I'm going to try my darnedest to do better in these SPECIFIC areas and I know the Lord will share His love with me and open up more doors down the road. I've got to start somewhere and it's about dang time I get going. Wish me luck. :)
If you missed conference this year, I suggest you go HERE and catch up. The Lord speaks to us today. He guides and directs us in these latter days through His servants, the prophets. They are the Lord's mouthpiece and we can come to know our Father in Heaven and achieve His purposes and plans for us, only by heeding to His counsel through the mouths of His anointed servants. I'm so grateful that I have access to such truths that bring meaning, purpose and direction into my life.