The Lord's Purposes

Many of you know I've been working towards serving a mission for YEARS now. But this time's for real. (I know I've said that before, but whatever.) So, after 7 years at BYU-Idaho, I finally got my bachelors degree. And I have a grown-up job. I'm making money, saving money, with the intent of turning in my mission papers in the next few months. I've done a lot of studying, changing and growing. A LOT. I thought the ultimate milestone was when i was called into the Relief Society presidency last year. Talk about learning to serve! If that wasn't an eye opener ... but it really got me excited. I know, i'm kind of sick for being excited about the Relief Society presidency, but it was seriously one of the most amazing and growing experiences of my life! I loved the all-day meetings that kept me focused on service and the Gospel all day long. I loved knowing my girls and coming up with new ways to teach and to serve them. I loved praying about their needs and I loved helping to extend callings. I loved the constant Spirit I felt and the stewardship I felt. I loved it all. Except teaching. I am NOT shy ... until I'm behind a podium. I hate it. I want to die. I can't form sentences, I cut myself off as soon as I get going somewhere good. (I don't want to cry in front of everyone!) But the ONE time I taught, I stumbled through the whole thing and I think everyone was relieved when it was over!! Since that semester in the presidency, I've really missed the involvement and the great purpose that I felt. I've tried to get it back. I study all the lessons and try to comment (but we're back to the stumbling-over-words-and-getting-uncomfortable-bearing-my-soul problem). So, here we are with a new semester in the BYU-I 66th ward. It's my last semester here before I get kicked out of student housing in April. I wanted to make it good. Where else in the world can you have such amazing spiritual growing experiences as in the BYUI 66th? I prayed for a calling where I could feel growth and purpose again. We needed a new Relief Society presidency, and I was actually hoping to be able to do that all over again. But the Lord knows better! We grow the most when we're forced out of our comfort zone. The first time through, the presidency was WAY out of my comfort zone. But now, I've been there, done that. Now to phase II. Today I was sustained and set apart as the 4th Sunday teacher in the Relief Society. I'm terrified!!